She went from zero to smokin in five shots
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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