Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
