i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
