piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
