I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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