I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
