Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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