Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
