She is in my trunk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
