i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
