whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
