I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
