paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
