i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
