you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
