Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
