Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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