im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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