Michael Bay diarrhea
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
