tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
