hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
In America we eat man semen.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
