I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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