As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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