You can't motorboat a personality
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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