i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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