When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
