I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
