I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
