I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
