Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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