Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
