She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
