ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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