i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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