Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
