I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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