ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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