You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I supernannyed him into submission
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
