He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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