Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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