i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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