Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
