so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
