There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
