Ketchup is God's man juice
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
