took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Randomize
