When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've blown a few things in my day
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
