why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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