Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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