Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
